weekend roundup with accompanying youtube clips because i am lazy

August 20, 2007

Hooray, the Mets swept the Nationals! Did you guys know that the Nationals have been one of the best teams since July 1st? For real! And with how poorly the Mets have been playing since June, did you guys know that they have the biggest division lead in the league? Imagine that! Pedro Martinez’s rehab has been going smoothly, Endy Chavez has been on a tear in the minors and should be back soon, and Joe Smith pitched two innings on Saturday, retiring all six batters he faced. Hurrah!

It’s not all sunshine and puppies, though. On Saturday, Damion Easley collapsed while heading to second on a wild pitch, diagnosed with a third degree ankle sprain. So with Delgado still hurt, Shawn Green is now entrusted with first base. Hm. Shawn Green is an outfielder, and throughout the season, the following outfielders have gotten injured: Alou, Beltran, Chavez, Gomez. Now Delgado and Easley. Someone must really like watching Green play defense. Whoever that masochist is, Green owes him a rugelach.

The Little League World Series is one of the best sporting events in the world. They always give good narrative, they showcase kids playing their hearts out (because, let’s face it, this will be the highlight of most of their lives oh god cruel sinking reality how dare you), and they always seem to showcase a starmaking moment:

Michael Rando is totally now on the fast track to white hat/cargo short/yahdood Massholery. He will be talking about this for the rest of his life, and good for him, but man how grating will he be when he’s 50?

While talking with Joe over burgers and beer, I realized that I can’t get into a sport when I’d much rather see violent outbursts rather than figure out the strategy of the game. Hockey being one example. In keeping with that sentiment, this is what it looks like when astronauts fight:

Oh, they’re car racers? I knew those uniforms looked a little too fabulous for NASA.


congrats, anaheim

June 7, 2007

Now that’s what a hockey town looks like! I guess?

Dear Anaheim,

You must be excited that your Ducks have FINALLY won that long-elusive Stanley Cup. I can only imagine lots of dancing down Ball Road, or maybe everyone stopping their cars on the 57 and re-enacting “Everybody Hurts,” except in your town, Everybody Wins! Let’s go to the Block!

It’s great that there’s a sporting team that can, in response to the question “You just blahblahblah, what are you gonna do next?” say “I’m going to Disneyland!” instead of the glitzier Disneyworld, cos at least they live near it. Who wants to go to Florida? Nah, I’ll head down to Disneyland Drive again. I mean BASICALLY it’s the backyard.

Be thankful that you also have an Anaheim sporting team that EMBRACES it’s Anaheimness, unlike your previous champions the Angels. Pfffft. One World Series and they think they’re better than you. Oh yeah, that’s a nice ring, Angels. Oh, you think that bitch L.A. is gonna give you everything you ever wanted? Another house? More rings? You motherfucker. We stuck with you for so long and now you wanna leave? Change your identity? We’ll NEVER let you forget where you came from. “OF ANAHEIM.” Yeah, take that Angels. You look foolish now and your name sucks, you displaced confused jerk. Now we’ve got a team that is fine with letting the world know they’re OC boys. Named after a Disney movie fer Chrissake!

What’s that? They dropped the “Mighty”? You mean they stopped using this awesome logo?

Why must everyone here be ashamed?!?!?! WOE IS ANAHEIM.

xoxoxox,

a former resident (actually I was born in Hollywood and was raised in Culver City but I spent a few months there when I was a kid!)


fantasy fishing?!?!

May 21, 2007

Stan joked about starting a fantasy fishing league, and then he did it. Kudos to taking a joke too far (up next: fantasy spelling bee! Is this for real? Possibly. You never know with him). This is only the second time I’ve ever participated in any kind of fantasy sports thingamajig. The first time was doing a March Madness bracket (I don’t even know if that counts), where I would have done well except I decided that the year’s Cinderella story was going to be George Washington. Why? I dunno. (Note: by choosing Florida to win, I still managed to do respectably. I think I even beat Stan! Maybe Joe too?)

But my God, for as little as I knew about college basketball, I totally picked my fantasy fishing team on total larks like “That’s a funny a name” or “Californians!” or “He sounds like he can’t fish at all, I’ll take him!” or, considering my Massachusetts-bashing team name, “I guess I’ll include a New Englander.”

And I guess that worked! #1 in our league as of right now. Let’s go, Clambakes w/ Masstards!

Oh, and thanks to this guy for performing way above his market value:

Uh, dreamy? Um…I like seafood.