template for further losses to statistically bad-to-mediocre teams

September 27, 2007

The Mets jumped out to an early lead thanks to [home run/RBIs] from [the middle of the order]. It’s nice to see the boys jumping on the lowly [statistically bad-to-mediocre team] early, giving the Mets an early burst of confidence and the [statistically bad-to-mediocre team] a reason to phone it in.

[Mets starting pitcher], afforded a big lead, came out looking brilliant, keeping the ball down, throwing strikes, making the [statistically bad-to-mediocre team] swing at junk and look silly. He ran into a bit of trouble in subsequent innings, lost a bit of control, but was generally able to get out of some jams. Meanwhile, the Mets were able to tack on runs and add on to their lead.

But then the fifth inning happened. Oh the fifth inning. Why does it seem like it’s always the fifth inning? The previous innings almost seemed like foreshadowing for the fifth. [Mets starting pitcher] allowed a leadoff [walk/hit] and, instead of bearing down, then allowed another [walk/hit]. He was immediately taken out in favor of [hapless bullpen reliever], who, faced with a jam, allowed an RBI [single/double]. Everything started to spiral out of control, as [yet another hapless bullpen reliever] allowed more runners to score, and just like that, the Mets found themselves down [some score that seemed implausible an hour before].

Faced with such turmoil, the Mets bats decided to take a nap. [Strikeout/groundout] followed by [walk/single] followed by inning-ending [strikeout/groundout/Jose Reyes pop-out/David Wright or Carlos Delgado or Paul Lo Duca GIDP].

Fortunately, [formerly hapless bullpen reliever] pitched a shockingly clean inning, followed by another scoreless one by [sometimes hapless sometimes nasty bullpen reliever]. But [headcase closer], faced with a tight game, allowed it to be blown wide open with a leadoff [walk/single/homerun] and then an RBI [single/double] before finally closing out the ninth after something like [crazily hyperbolic number] pitches.

The Mets went a meek 1-2-3 in the ninth, their comeback magic clearly depleted from [that one recent game where a furious rally got them a miraculous win or a “moral victory” of only losing by one run after it being a blowout].


the metsox desperation pact gets some theme songs to laugh at because otherwise you’ll cry

September 21, 2007

I am seriously going crazy.

Beat The Mets (for the Mets fans)
Meet the Mets, beat the Mets
Step right up, defeat the Mets
It’s so easy, bring a knife
Guaranteed you’ll want to take your own life
Because the Mets are really choking and all
Our postseason dreams are crashing into the wall
East side, West side
Everybody’s coming down
To beat the M-E-T-S Mets of New York Town
We’re going down!

Sweet Fucking Christ (for the Red Sox fans)
Where it began, I can’t begin to know when
But then I know we started strong

It was the spring
The lead was wicked awhhhsum
And it’s lasted so long

Yanks! Coming back!
Reaching out
You’re killing me, JD Drew!

Sweet Fucking Christ (ba ba ba)
A-Rod’s never played so good
I’d be surprised
To believe that his bat’s wood…

Is not corked.

Look at the pen
And we see Eric Gagne
We fill Fenway with angry boos
If he gets hurt
Then we’ll just shrug our shoulders
“Even Timlin’s bettah than you!”

Warm pizza thrown
Reaching out
Big Papi hugging you!

Sweet Fucking Christ
This team used to look so good
We’d been inclined
To believe they always would

Sweet Fucking Christ
Will we never be that good
We’ve been inclined
To believe we never would