john maine is not only a stud but also secure in his masculinity

Hi there, long time no blog. There are many developments to have rejoiced over (I will be glad to never see that bastard Guillermo Mota pitch for my team ever again) as well as lament (see ya Lastings). And rather than talk about all the actual tangible baseball things every baseball nut I know has been hounding me about (I am sick to death of hearing the name Johan), I would like to talk about this.

As opposed to other places where this would create the opportunity for non-clever fag jokes, I would like to say that though I doubt the veracity of this story (um, Page Six? And why is it that I learned about this through straight dude sports guys? Let’s turn the mirror around, fellas), I wholeheartedly hope it is true. For one, I obviously would welcome an era in sports wherein our athletes could feel free to exhibit queerish tendencies, whether it be ridiculously homoerotic fashion shoots or enjoying the feel of fishnets or like, making out and giving each other boners and stuff. Word. I enjoy a transgression of gender roles and sexuality, especially coming from a landscape as notoriously rigid and macho as Sportsdom.

Secondly, I am pretty selfish and find the very idea of one of my favorite Mets (I’d say #3 behind Wright and Smith…do I just like bland white dudes? Let’s take a look at my dating history OH BURN) in a dress to be awesome and delicious. It makes me quite hot and bothered. Also, if this is true, why didn’t the stupid dame take a picture? DUH THAT’S WHY THEY PUT CAMERAS IN PHONES NOW IDIOT. You have a star athlete in a dress and you don’t do shit about documenting it? For shame, lady. Have you learned nothing from our invasive 21st century celebrity culture?!?!?!?!??!

Lastly: “I’m John Maine. I pitch for the Mets! I’m a hot piece of ass!” Yes honey. Yes you certainly damn are. And I want that on a T-shirt, please.

One Response to john maine is not only a stud but also secure in his masculinity

  1. Anderson says:

    I resent you calling me a bland white dude considering you turned me into a faggot.

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