baseball is making me crazy or maybe it’s the illness

I think I’m coming down with something. First of all, I’ve been having images of Kaz Matsui hitting grand slams in the postseason…what?! Um, ok. I don’t know how to feel about Matsui being a total choke while on the Mets, and then turning around and helping to kill off the Phillies.

Actually I do: SUCK IT, PHILLY.

I actually do think I’m getting ill though. Last night, while listening to the Indians completely dominate the Yankees (btw, the John Sterling-Suzyn Waldman broadcasting team makes me want to cut my ears off. Sterling has this awful affected wavering to his voice, and Waldman is just the worst kind of combination of Masshole/Bronx/Jersey I’ve ever heard, and they both seem remarkably bored by everything, and it just makes me really appreciate Howie Rose and Tom McCarthy and their insight, humor, and enthusiasm thankyouverymuch) I started drifting off to sleep. While asleep I had the following dream:

Huge uproar. President Bush on TV, looking stern and making a grave speech about something. Behind him is the First Lady, hand over her face, shaking her head in horror.

“What began as a simple celebration,” intones Bush to a rattled country, “turned into one of the most gruesome acts I have ever witnessed in my life.”

Quick cut to Terry Francona in the audience, pensive, arms crossed. Bud Selig is next to him, blowing a bubble and shrugging.

Bush says, “I hereby ban Jonathan Papelbon from participating in this year’s playoffs.” 

Shock! Horror! Outrage! Gasping! Nodding in agreement! The deafening sounds of screeching on the Pike! Jonathan Papelbon is being dragged away from Fenway Park in handcuffs! What is going on?!??!?!

I check the computer, dazed, and Google “Jonathan Papelbon controversy.” And then I find the offending piece of news in the form of a photo:

Papelbon. With his balls on Laura Bush’s face.

Come on, doesn’t he look like the kinda guy who’d put his balls on your face?

I mean, I wouldn’t mind. Or something. Um, what?

Oh in another news, the Cubs lost again.

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