we now live in a world where aaron sele and scott schoeneweis save baseball games

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Delicious. Usually I need the above after these two pitch. Instead, today they actually acted like relievers. For fucking once.

Speaking of, after going to two parties last night and taking a klonopin and getting drunk, welp, I woke up so late that when I finally got around to switching on the radio, John Maine gave up a single to Jeremy Hermida and walked Miguel “Thick Around The Middle” (cf. Tim McCarver) Cabrera with the score tied at 2. Fuck, I think, I should’ve just kept sleeping. Pedro Dos comes into the game and K’s Mike Jacobs but gives up an RBI single to Todd Linden. In comes Sosa with runners on second and third with one out! Oh no? Maybe?! Who knows at this point. This bullpen makes no sense on any given day. They can pitch scoreless innings and look badass (what’s up Mota on Friday! Yah srsly!) or they can give up gift runs like Christmas nuns. Sosa with a popout and flyout that Beltran just barely got, hurting himself in the process. Again. Inning over. Phew/Guh.

Guillermo Mota: scoreless bottom of the seventh. Three straight excellent appearances by Mota. WTF?!

The next inning saw Davey work out a walk, yet another pinch hit from BIG FUCKING PIMP Marlon Anderson, and a game-tying single from Moises Alou, who now has a 27-game hitting streak, a Mets record. Combine that with a follow-up 3-run homer by Carlos Delgado, WELL. You have a giddy Mets fan. A 6-3 lead. A thought of “Let’s get Heilman and Billy and close this fucker out.”

How soon we forget about blown 3-run leads. To the Marlins.

Howie and Tom on WFAN noted that the Mets have lost five straight extra innings games. Well that’s just ducky!

In the top of tenth the Mets immediately threaten with singles by Alou and Delgado. A successful sac bunt by Lo Duca moves them up with two outs, only to see the threat squashed by consecutive flyouts. Boo.

So here is where your stomach turns with the thought of the bullpen trying to keep the Mets in the game. That five-game losing streak in extra innings? There’s a reason for that.

Joe Smith comes in for the bottom of the tenth. Now obviously I love Joe, but he’s been spotty since his return to the bigs, so I’m nervous for his performance, nervous for the team, want him to show his mettle. Ho hum, says Joe. How does a strikeout and two groundouts sound? It sounds like a job worthy of ten thousand blowjobs, Joe.

Then! Reyes works out a walk. Castillo singles. On a hit-and-run, MVP Wright slaps a single up the middle to plate Reyes. It could have been a bigger inning except David Newhan was the following hitter and then Alou smoked one to Thick Around The Middle, who was somehow able to outhustle Castillo to double him up on third. The base must’ve looked like a big apple pie à la mode.

A 7-6 lead? No big deal. Just bring in the double-headed save monster known as Seleweis.You’ve gotta be kidding, Willie. WELL! Sele throws three pitches and gets two outs. Schoeneweis gets the third out on a grounder to first. The books, we shall put this in them. Finally, finally the Mets win a game like this. With Seleweis coming up big. I don’t know what’s up or down anymore. And it’s not the klonopin either.

I do know that Philly lost, which moves them to 2.5 behind. The Mets’ magic number is now 5 with seven left to play, all at Shea. Come on boys. Let’s do it at home.

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