mets to hoffman: what a load of BS


An odd, thrilling, see-saw of a game that featured no shortage of dramatics, comebacks, potential heartbreak (many times over) and big hits. It had an air of Bigness, of Magic, didn’t it? Oh yeah, cold wind and rain also. This is August? Huh.

San Diego’s Chris Young vs. John Maine. From the very get go, NL Player of the Week Thank God He’s Hitting Again Carlos Beltran looked at Young’s MLB-leading 1.93 ERA and was all “I don’t give a FUUUUUUCK.” Two-run homer. After an RBI single by the delightfully named Milton Bradley cut the Mets lead to 2-1, Beltran shrugged and blasted a two-run double. Beltran 4, SD 1.

Then things got shitty. By the sixth, Maine had managed to throw nearly a hundred pitches, including a homer to ex-Met Mike Cameron and an RBI triple to a pinch-hitting Giles brother, coming in for Young, who’d only thrown 64 pitches, leading WFAN’s Howie Rose and Tom McCarthy to go BONEHEAD MOVE. Well, not really, considering the result. And considering SD’s bullpen. With two outs, Maine was pulled for Scott Schoeneweis, and I’m all “Oh no!” With one of the Giles on third, I’m Trying To Improve The Show strikes out the other Giles. For the first time ever, I pumped my fist and shouted “Yeah, Schoeneweis!” And I got really, really confused.

Bullpen problems blah blah. Sosa, who’s been so effective in his new role, coughs up a double and a single to give the Padres a 5-4 lead. So Beltran sighs and singles in Reyes to tie the game.

Is there any pitcher who creates his own mess and then cleans it up as much as Aaron Heilman? Heilman reminds me of a scene in that flashback Simpsons episode where toddler Bart spills milk and then mops it up with a baby’s diaper ass. I will now start referring to Heilman as Baby Diaper Ass. Maybe.

Wags comes in with the score tied, which usually means “Something bad might happen.” Padres score another run, and forgive me for cursing the heavens at this point, but with the thought of All Time Saves Leader Trevor Hoffman coming up to face the bottom third of the Mets lineup, I wasn’t feeling too optimistic. But the rest of the Mets followed Beltran’s cue and said “I don’t give a FUUUUUUUCK.” After Milledge’s lead-off single, you just kind of knew it, right? You can sense when this team is gonna create some magic. Nice sacrifice by DeFelice. Pinch-hitter Marlon Anderson with an RBI single (after the game, Willie was being interviewed and someone asked something to the effect of “In that situation, you have Anderson and Green on the bench. What makes you go with Anderson?” Me: “WTF Duh.”). Reyes blooper. Castillo (O, how I love Castillo!) with the game winning hit. Howie Rose: “They’re beating Castillo!” (see above). Fuck yes. Welcome to the team, Luis. How do you like the blown save, Hoffman?

Cold, wet, and windy. Temperature in the 50s. Tension and drama. Big comeback against a top closer, huge celebration. You sure this isn’t October?

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