Congrats on #300, Tommy! Thanks to your brilliant performance last night–as well as some fantastic defense and (gulp! wha?) timely hitting from your teammates–you’ve joined a rarefied club, and it’s possible you may be the last one to ever do it. I hope this means we never again get to see your lovely wife freaking the fuck out because Mota and Feliciano tried to spoil the fun yet again (thank God for Heilman–seriously, I just said that–and Jorge Sosa continuing to prove his mettle in the pen and Wags being Wags). It also means that the Mets visited the best in the NL Central and went 4-2 (shoulda been 5-1 if the pen hadn’t blown your first chance at #300, or 6-0 if the first base ump hadn’t blown that call on Saturday, but whatever). So now let’s go home and take it to your old team, the team with whom you won more than 2/3rds of that 300. This is gonna be a crucial series, and we need to win it. Up first: Brave killer Oliver Perez! Then El Duque! Then John Maine (let’s hope he rebounds from Saturday’s Ollie-like implosion)! It looks promising. Then I get to see you on Saturday! I hope there’ll be lots of reasons for celebration by then.
Congrats to you too, A-Rod, for being the youngest player to ever hit 500 career homers. You are kind of a dick though possibly misunderstood (like, when you hit #500 and just stood there I thought “Jesus what a dick,” but then I realized you were just making sure it stayed fair, but still: you looked like a dick) but your athletic prowess is undeniable, and it is certainly impressive to watch you swing the bat. In some ways I’m unsure whether Yankees fans deserve you and your talents–what with all the previous booing and hand-wringing and maybe only slightly unwarranted bashing they’ve given you over the years–or if you’re a perfect representation of what the Yankees have become. Eh. All I know is that you were one of my favorite players when you were a fresh-faced young Mariner, and your greatness was in full evidence even back then. Let’s hope you continue to stay healthy, and end up eventually breaking the record that’ll soon be owned by this guy:
Hm. Yeah, fuck him.