ESCAPE FROM L.A.

“Boy do we stink right now.”

So the Mets are playing really appallingly lousy baseball right now. I almost can’t believe how awful they’ve been since June. Basically, they’ve been playing loser-ball since I won my bet with Stan. Who am I, Pete Rose? Dear Mets: I will never place another bet on you if you agree to start winning in your early season ho-hum fashion again. I’d much rather have that than any free meal.

I was feeling pretty okay with their performance in Detroit up until the final game. Sosa was brilliant in the first game, and even the following 8-7 loss had some upswings (at least they were hitting the goddam ball!) even if it had some depressing lowlights (the re-appearance of shaky Ollie, Guillermo Mota’s complete breakdown, Carlos Delgado grounding out with the bases loaded AND THEN ending the game with the exact same groundout with the tying run on first). And then Glavine got knocked around and that was that.

What rubs more salt in this ever-deepening wound is the fact that the Mets are now being dismantled by the Dodgers. I grew up in L.A., so of course grew up a Dodger fan (Kirk Gibson, ’88 World Series, need I say more? Shit like that is why we love sports). But they became basically dead to me when they traded my beloved Mike Piazza (one of the worst, most ill-informed trades ever, but I have a tendency to be melodramatic). Now I’m not even sure I can name more than two players on the team, unless Hideo Nomo is still around? (LOLOLOL I make joke) Having my former favorite team beat up on my current favorite team is kind of like having the boy you used to like (and who treated you like shit) say mean stuff about the boy you’re currently interested in. This happened a week ago. It sucked.

It’s like some Lynchian nightmare, what’s happening right now. Though Maine gave up three consecutive homers last night, basically ensuring the loss, I don’t think the Mets have been pitching all that badly, the last two Detroit games notwithstanding. The problem really has been their offense. It almost feels like everyone has gone to sleep, with the exception of David Wright (14-game hit streak, which included a four-game home run streak, and career hit #500 last night). They’re stranding about a million people on base. It is just brutal to watch.

Hong-Chih Kuo? Really? You couldn’t hit off of Hong-Chih Kuo? And he hit a home run? This is the worst L.A. nightmare since Crash.

But hey, at least Canter’s gave some delicious food to former Dodgers Shawn Green and Paul Lo Duca. L.A. has a bad rep, I know, but I love it in the same way you love your crazy uncle, and if you did right by us once, we’ll always welcome you back.

But Jesus, get the hell out of there already. Jorge Sosa pitches tonight, so let’s hope he can perform the way he has this season (which is to say: surprisingly fantastic). Then we have another subway series with the Yanks. Who are, uh, on a seven-game winning streak. Boy, have the tables turned since last month.

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