congrats, anaheim

Now that’s what a hockey town looks like! I guess?

Dear Anaheim,

You must be excited that your Ducks have FINALLY won that long-elusive Stanley Cup. I can only imagine lots of dancing down Ball Road, or maybe everyone stopping their cars on the 57 and re-enacting “Everybody Hurts,” except in your town, Everybody Wins! Let’s go to the Block!

It’s great that there’s a sporting team that can, in response to the question “You just blahblahblah, what are you gonna do next?” say “I’m going to Disneyland!” instead of the glitzier Disneyworld, cos at least they live near it. Who wants to go to Florida? Nah, I’ll head down to Disneyland Drive again. I mean BASICALLY it’s the backyard.

Be thankful that you also have an Anaheim sporting team that EMBRACES it’s Anaheimness, unlike your previous champions the Angels. Pfffft. One World Series and they think they’re better than you. Oh yeah, that’s a nice ring, Angels. Oh, you think that bitch L.A. is gonna give you everything you ever wanted? Another house? More rings? You motherfucker. We stuck with you for so long and now you wanna leave? Change your identity? We’ll NEVER let you forget where you came from. “OF ANAHEIM.” Yeah, take that Angels. You look foolish now and your name sucks, you displaced confused jerk. Now we’ve got a team that is fine with letting the world know they’re OC boys. Named after a Disney movie fer Chrissake!

What’s that? They dropped the “Mighty”? You mean they stopped using this awesome logo?

Why must everyone here be ashamed?!?!?! WOE IS ANAHEIM.

xoxoxox,

a former resident (actually I was born in Hollywood and was raised in Culver City but I spent a few months there when I was a kid!)

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