mets-yanks game 2: how to give will a heart attack

This is the swing of a big fucking pimp.

Phew! What a game. Having no TV, I listened to the broadcast on WFAN for the first time and followed a game thread on Radio is fun! I did catch the first few at-bats when I went to grab a burrito, and Tom Glavine did not look to be throwing the ball well at all. I came back home to see the Yanks up 1-0, and their starter Darrell Rasner leaving the game due to an injury to his index finger, applied by Endy Chavez’s comebacker. Poor Yankees have no luck with their pitchers, man.

Mike “No Not That One” Myers relieved Rasner, and almost immediately gave me a reason to smile. Baseball Boyfriend #1 David Wright hit a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge shot, estimated at 460 feet, compelling the WFAN announcers to quip, “David Wright might have hit the first home run in the history of Citi Field.” Heh. He hit another one two innings later, after the ball bounced off Johnny Damon’s glove as Caveman Damon leapt to try and catch it. Good job Caveman. Your baby arm also allowed the first run to score on a weak sac fly. I ❤ you.

Meanwhile, Glavvy seemed to be settling down, and after the incredible run support it seemed like he’d coast to career win #295. It seemed like an easy narrative: more pitching bad luck for the Yanks, two homers for Davey (leading to three intentional walks for his remaining at-bats! Davey is Barroid Bonds Jr.!), solid performance by Glavine, some hilariously bad errors from Yankee second baseman Robinson Cano, easy Mets win.

And then!

Scott Schoeneweis. Oh Show. You kill me. Please just do laundry for the rest of your contract. My goodness. Back-to-back homers given up to A-Rod and Posada, eventually cutting the score to 8-6. What?! Worst Show Ever. The Mets were able to capitalize on yet another error by Cano, to bring the score back up to 10-7, but goodness, it shouldn’t have come to this.

Enter Sandman Billy Wagner. Oh Wags. That throw to home when you should have gone to first? Bah. Thankfully Wags was able to whiff Cano and Phelps to get Glavine his 295th and push the Mets to three games ahead of the Braves (let’s go Boston! Wait, I’m rooting for Boston? This weekend, at least).

So the Empire State Building will look just ducky in blue and orange. I look forward to staring at it with pride.

Finally, courtesy of

David Wright introduced the Mets batting order on the FOX telecast on Saturday in this way: “Jose Reyes, the most exciting player in the big leagues; Endy ‘The Catch’ Chavez; Carlos ‘Mr. GQ’ Beltran; Carlos Delgado, the Puerto Rican Mr. T; Yours Truly (Wright); Shawn ‘I miss my hair’ Green; Paul Lo Duca, our Eddie Munster; Damion ‘Hit Man’ Easley; and Tom Glavine, my favorite player when I was in grammar school.”

Because Wright introduced himself as merely “Yours truly,” asked Lo Duca to provide something a little more creative — and sarcastic. His offering was “David ‘Dig Me’ Wright.”

Said Lo Duca: “You know he loves himself.”

3 Responses to mets-yanks game 2: how to give will a heart attack

  1. Joe says:

    the play where damon was unable to make the throw home was kind of amazing. seriously, he was standing maybe 20-30 feet behind 2nd base and bounced it off the fucking mound. seriously, 80% of people i know could probably make that throw, even girls lol.

  2. stan says:

    I’ve decided that “baby arm” is a better taunt than “you throw like a girl,” w/r/t Geico Damon.

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