PLEASE COME HERE SO I CAN WIN THE CY YOUNG

This is pretty great, especially this part:

K-Rod, a fellow Venezuelan, idolizes Santana and was thrilled that he called. The Mets handed the phone to K-Rod and the two talked. In retrospect, it was a turning point as Santana expressed his excitement that K-Rod could be closing games for him. The Mets blew seven saves for Santana last season.

cursin’ the cubs

After Jason Marquis’ grand slam on Monday, Cubs fan Michael texted me “Suicide watch?” After Kosuke Fukudome’s RBI double yesterday, Cubs fan Josh texted me “Bye bye season!” (I responded “Fuck you dummy!” which I admit is terrible, but give me a break I’m an angst-ridden Mets fan). Another Cubs fan who I used to work with is a total hipster douche with awful opinions (Q: redundant?) and a superior attitude (A: yes), and earlier this season laughed in my face and jigged while Jorge Sosa (remember him?!) gave up eighty home runs in a two game series against the Cubs. On WFAN after the game, a Cubs fan called in to say that the Mets were lucky that Reed Johnson was in the game, because he’s terrible. Reed Johnson, who had two hits last night and is now 12 for 22 against Johan Santana. Hey Chicago, when did you turn into Yankees fans?! Keep your hubris in check, considering your history. (And I like the Cubs!)

I was all set to talk about Johan Santana’s insane hit, which really seemed to be the turning point of the game, comparing his broken black bat to Ron Santo’s black cat, but it seems as if the NY Daily News already has that covered. It’s funny, at least. And I’m not one who believes in curses but I do have a (non-Mets fan) friend going to the game tonight who offered to dress up as Bartman. Is Alou around too?

Why Santana’s hit, leaving aside the idea of divine intervention and whatnot, was important was because it seemed to wake the Mets up. After a dismal game Monday and half of one yesterday, it really did seem like the team was ready to go down meekly. Prior to Santana’s “magic bat trick” (see: Piniella), the offense’s turning point seemed to happen in the first inning, when Luis Castillo followed Jose Reyes’ single by grounding into a fielder’s choice. This guy is supposed to move runners up and get on base, hopefully at the same time, but with every swing of the bat it has become Automatic Out. I can’t stand three more years of this, like he’s 2001 G.W. Bush. He is terrible, surely, but even worse is hearing the boos that cascade on him before he makes an out. It’s not motivating, guys, and it’s pretty embarrassing to boot. In fact, it seemed like everyone aside from Reyes/Wright/Delgado/Santana was getting booed after striking out/grounding out/popping up, up until the bottom of the fifth. Because it was You Ain’t Got No Alibi time until the bottom of the fifth: Nick Evans getting hit, Santana’s crazy hit, Castillo walking (!), and David Wright coming through for only the fourth time all season with the bases loaded to tie the game.

And after that, you just knew this game had to be ours, right? You don’t get a nutty play in your favor and just throw it away. A bases-clearing Reyes triple (200th hit of the year) the next inning provided the cushion, and even Pedro Feliciano didn’t blow it (because Luis Ayala relieved him of his duties).

But it was Santana’s night, as it always seems to be when he’s on the mound. Slightly shaky in the first few innings, he settled down and became dominant again, in a game he knew was the biggest of the season. And it was, until tonight, and the one after that, and so on. Hopefully, the last game he pitches this season (scheduled for the last day of the season) won’t turn out to be the biggest one. Hopefully, by then, it won’t mean a thing.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Oh also, the Yankees were officially eliminated last night. Surprised it took this long, frankly.

bizarro mets play, win bizarro game

On a night when Johan Santana didn’t perform up to his capabilities (though, truth be told, even mediocre Santana is boneriffic), giving up two leads–including a game-tying homer to…pinch-hitting Ryan Langerhans?!–the offense miraculously plated the go-ahead run by…getting hit in the head? How poetic. With the bases loaded, Jerry Manuel made the genius move of pinch-hitting Castro for Daniel Murphy aka Jesus and…he struck out? WHAT! Jesus Murphy was supposed to hit an eight-run homer! Desperate for more runs–because, as Howie Rose put it last night, “With this bullpen, a one-run lead is as skinny as you can get”–Santana is pulled for…Brian Schneider?! Who strikes out. Which isn’t bizarre so much as comically tragically predictable. But with a 4-3 lead, Santana was in the position of winning the game. We’ve heard that one before.

And then the bullpen…didn’t blow it?

Not sure if it was the bullpen meeting before the game–led by Scott Schoeneweis, of all people–or Jerry’s ludicrous notion that Maine or Perez would be moved to the pen, or if it’s just that the Nationals are terrible, but somehow Joe Smith and Pedro Feliciano (not, I repeat NOT Eddie Kunz, despite Manuel’s blather about how Kunz would get the first closing opportunity…WTF I say, but considering Feliciano got it done I’m not about to argue…too much. Maybe a little, as a matter of principle, of sticking to your word and all that) managed to…throw strikes? And get batters out?

Bizarre. But I’ll take it.

In other bizarre news, Boston scored TEN FUCKING RUNS in the first inning and STILL needed to rally against Texas to win 19-17. I wonder if Massholes got drunk last night (ex-boyfriend’s text last night “OMG WTF IS HAPPPENIG” confirms suspicions).

the mets are the worldwide leader in disappointing wins

How many disappointing wins have the Mets had this year? 6? 12? It feels like every time Santana has a no decision it’s a disappointing win, because Santana almost always pitches a seven-inning, two-run game and the offense is underwhelming and the bullpen blows it. Oh it happened again today? WHADDAYAKNOW.

Thank God for David Wright, coming up with the walk-off homer. Thank God Jerry didn’t sit him after yesterday’s boners (not the good kind). And thank God the Mets were able to fend off the AAA Padres. With a bunch of young kids from AA Binghamton (on Sesame Street Day at Shea, no less!) providing many of the non-Santana pre-ninth inning highlights.

Have I said enough that I’m in love with Daniel Murphy? I’m in love with him. There, I said it. Feels good.

Now Duaner and Scott, you owe Johan a steak.

Oh, there’s also this:

For some reason, American Idol winner David Cook and one of the losers Carly Smithson were in attendance. I don’t know why, but I hope neither sang the national anthem. It would’ve been way yowly.

amateur improv night at shea!

There was a whole lot of impersonation going on last night. First, Carlos Delgado continuing to imitate his old form. Then, Johan Santana begins to look like the dominant pitcher we hoped for and expected when we traded the farm for him. Ramon Castro impersonating an honest-to-God starter, rendering Brian Schneider completely irrelevant (he seems like a nice guy?). Those three had this guy laughing in the aisles.

Not as funny, though, was everything else. Making up for Send ‘Em Sandy’s lack of windmilling as third base coach was Luis Aguayo, sending Endy Chavez home TWICE where he would record the first out of the inning. TWICE. Two times. Those two non-runs, we’d find out, would prove to be important. And considering Billy Wagner’s lack of availability, Duaner Sanchez and Pedro Feliciano (I’ll give Joe Smith a pass, since he got a needed ground ball with which Jose Reyes did absolutely nothing) decided to pretend to be the All Star closer, except they based their impressions on Wagner completely blowing it against the Phillies as opposed to dominating teams like the Reds. And then of course there were the Phillies, resembling the Mets team that scored five runs in the top of the ninth to beat Cincinnati on Friday, or maybe we should more accurately say that that Mets team resembled the Phillies.

That stuff? Not as funny. But more true, somehow.

I don’t recall the last easy game against the Phillies. I don’t remember the last no-doubter; that last game in Philly where they lead 10-1 seemed like one, only then it reverted to form and the Mets held on for a 10-9 win. It always seems like every game is a knock-down drag-out fight, which is fun in its way, but I like crisp wins. Last night seemed like a crisp win. Almost too crisp. Because from the time Johan gave up back-to-back-to-back two-out singles in the first inning through Shane Victorino’s home run, Santana looked dominant, getting quick outs and pop-ups and boring old lazy grounders to third, ho hum. Truly spectacular. And Delgado and Castro’s joint two-run blasts looked like the sufficient offensive production they’d need. But through that whole duration of glorious easy middle innings, a current of dread began to sink me further into my couch.

It seems like the Phillies are always coming back. It always seems like the Mets have a lead, or are tied, and the Phillies somehow are able to wake up late (in the game or season), their backs to the wall, and break out for the win. Usually it’s Wagner who blows it. This time we can look at Sanchez and Feliciano. I know everyone today is going to jump on Wagner for being unavailable, which is fairly understandable considering this fanbase’s love of expletives and hyperbole, but deal with the fact that his shoulder wasn’t up to snuff and he needed a day (and again, he always blows it against the Phillies anyway…see what I did there?!). Deal with what you’ve got. Funnily, I felt queasy with the decision to pitch Sanchez. I know it makes sense, considering he’s your set-up man, but as Howie Rose said last night, there’s a difference between pitching the eighth inning and pitching in a save situation. I would have rather seen Smith, who’d thrown two and a third scoreless against this very team two weeks ago, gone out for the ninth, matchups be damned. Because not only did he get some lefties out last time, but part of closer is not just stuff, but gumption. That kid has ice water in his veins. Sanchez, considering how soon he’s been thrust into these situations after being away for so long, maybe doesn’t have it yet. And let’s not talk about Feliciano. I’ve gone on record as saying he’s been shaky all season, and last night was just another example.

It wouldn’t be a Mets-Phillies game without trauma and drama. Last night’s impersonations attempted a bit of comedy, but I didn’t feel too much like laughing at the end of it.