it’s nice that they’re so supportive of each other

L-R: Mets bullpen members Duaner Sanchez, Joe Smith, Pedro Feliciano, Aaron Heilman, and Scott Schoeneweis embrace after giving up a 5-1 lead in an eventual loss to the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Awww, how cute.

i have a gift for carlos beltran

EL ESTA AQUI!

no, YOU be fit

So hands up, who else received the email regarding Willie Randolph’s appearance for BeFitNYC? My first immediate thought was, “Oh ho ho, I’m glad to see Willie is so concerned about New Yorkers’ well-being when THE METS WON’T EVEN SEND RYAN CHURCH TO THE DL AFTER HIS SECOND CONCUSSION.”

And then they finally did.

The BeFitNYC thing coincides with my rediscovered love of not being a fatass. This past Saturday morning as I was OMG SWEATING WAY TOO MUCH, I thought “Well, as long as I’m sweating I might as well do something productive.” So I went for a run. This was my first run in over a year, when I went to visit California and ended up running down the Santa Monica beach with my best friend just about every day. I came back to New York with the full intent of continuing. Then I realized that parts of my neighborhood are like Little Chechnya, and instead of a nice oxygen-filled sea breeze I was inhaling exhaust and garbage stench. So, not so fun. Also I was lazy. But considering the weekend was WTF SO HOT ALL OF A SUDDEN, I decided to start up again and maybe lose some weight and feel better about myself.

So, I was interested in seeing what BeFitNYC recommended for athletic things to do in my neighborhood. The following conversation then took place:

me: i wonder what neighborhood fit things exist in east williamsburg
something involving cocaine, i bet
Stan: haha
staying slim and being fit aren’t exactly the same
me: lol this shit just suggested i go play softball at the marcy playground
i smell sex and mugging

And now, just because, The Hipster Olympics:

the metsox desperation pact gets some theme songs to laugh at because otherwise you’ll cry

I am seriously going crazy.

Beat The Mets (for the Mets fans)
Meet the Mets, beat the Mets
Step right up, defeat the Mets
It’s so easy, bring a knife
Guaranteed you’ll want to take your own life
Because the Mets are really choking and all
Our postseason dreams are crashing into the wall
East side, West side
Everybody’s coming down
To beat the M-E-T-S Mets of New York Town
We’re going down!

Sweet Fucking Christ (for the Red Sox fans)
Where it began, I can’t begin to know when
But then I know we started strong

It was the spring
The lead was wicked awhhhsum
And it’s lasted so long

Yanks! Coming back!
Reaching out
You’re killing me, JD Drew!

Sweet Fucking Christ (ba ba ba)
A-Rod’s never played so good
I’d be surprised
To believe that his bat’s wood…

Is not corked.

Look at the pen
And we see Eric Gagne
We fill Fenway with angry boos
If he gets hurt
Then we’ll just shrug our shoulders
“Even Timlin’s bettah than you!”

Warm pizza thrown
Reaching out
Big Papi hugging you!

Sweet Fucking Christ
This team used to look so good
We’d been inclined
To believe they always would

Sweet Fucking Christ
Will we never be that good
We’ve been inclined
To believe we never would

i just…i can’t even…

With the Mets up 3-0, I was all set to say, “It’s so great having Glavine on the mound. He gives you so much stability that you’re confident things will turn out fine.”

Oops.

With the Mets down 4-3, I was all set to say, “Well at least the bullpen looked decent tonight. Even Mota!”

WELL.

With BIG FUCKING PIMP Marlon Anderson’s HUGE HUGE CLUTCH three-run triple in the bottom of the ninth to put the Mets up 7-4, I was all set to reiterate my drunken dedication of love, and thought “Okay Wags, let’s close this fucker out.”

Um…Wags? Where are you going?!

Nice error, MVP. Goddammit, Sosa. Yet another blown lead. Yet another all-for-naught comeback. Yet another Phillies win. Yet another measly 1.5 game lead.

COME THE FUCK ON, TEAM. PLEASE.