a short message to cole hamels

Why don’t you shut the hell up and choke on my dick?

well

Hate to say goodbye to Endy Chavez and Joe Smith (you all know how much I love Joe Smith), as well as Mike Carp (we hardly knew ye), but that sting is taken out with the subtraction of Aaron Heilman and the addition of JJ Putz. I can’t say I’ll miss Heilman and his kicked-puppy look on the mound, but I wish him well and hope he gets that starting job he’s been longing for.

As for Endy, well…he’s a legend because of The Catch, and even if he doesn’t have much else in his portfolio I will always love the guy for that memory.

And Joe! Joe, one of my baseball boyfriends. That won’t change even if he’ll be in Cleveland, but long-distance relationships never work. Still, my love will never die. Joe Smith, the only guy I wanted to see coming out of the bullpen during the last few months of the season, and the only reliever I wanted the Mets to hold onto. He’s got great stuff and he’s only going to get better, and we’re going to miss his arm. I will also miss his smile and will listen to Laura Nyro’s incredible “Goodbye Joe” in tribute.

PLEASE COME HERE SO I CAN WIN THE CY YOUNG

This is pretty great, especially this part:

K-Rod, a fellow Venezuelan, idolizes Santana and was thrilled that he called. The Mets handed the phone to K-Rod and the two talked. In retrospect, it was a turning point as Santana expressed his excitement that K-Rod could be closing games for him. The Mets blew seven saves for Santana last season.

yes or no or what or huh

So apparently we are getting K-Rod maybe the talks are going well what yes oh wait for the physical, okay. I don’t like to make comments on such things until they are real and tangible, but I will say that while I’m neither here nor there as far as getting K-Rod goes, I loved watching him destroy the Giants in 2002.

Also this on Gawker Stalker!:

Just walked past David Wright looking fine in a bright orange fleece

DAVID. You don’t have to wear orange and blue ALL THE TIME, JEEZ. Someone introduce this man to a stylist.

Oh, usually he looks like this?:

OH OKAY FINE. But David, NO ONE plays drums with a sweater on fer Chrissake. Unless you’re in Low, I guess.