HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

If you don’t laugh you’ll cry.

While watching the Mets get shat on via espn.com’s scoreboard, I saw the following as the Brewers and Cards went into the tenth inning:

“G Mota relieved E Gagne.”

So see you guys? It could be a lot worse!

Could it? *looks at Jorge Sosa* Ah. There it is.

Cubs fan Michael texted “Ruh roh” and then “Do i get extra prizes for slaughters?” before and after Sosa did whatever the hell he does. MY BROKEN HEART ISN’T ENOUGH?!?!!? Name your terms, Mike.

Oh, and a nice big fuck you to every Mets player who participated in these two games, Maine and Figgy grudgingly excepted.

oh blerg

Tonight I went to watch the Mets-Cubs game at Mullholland’s, the only sports bar I know of in Williamsburg (not to be all adverty, but what a nice space to watch a game; if I had an actual readership I’d set up a game-watching meetup here) and found myself surrounded by Cubs fans, of all things. Where is the turnout, Brooklyn Mets fans?! Oh, do you all have TVs unlike me?

You all saw or listened to or heard about the game, so I won’t get into specifics, except to say that before the start of this short two-game series, I made a bet with my Cubs fan pal Michael. The team whose bullpen gave up the most runs in this series would buy the other a fancy dinner, provided that one of us was in each other’s city at some point.

Suffice it to say, I was pretty confident in our bullpen (well, at least those members whose names are Duaner, Joe, and Billy) and was feeling better about it before I realized that Ryan Dempster–he of the roughly 38 ERA vs. the Mets last season–was now a starter.

WELL. Thanks to Aaron Heilman (with a nice little assist from Jorge Sosa), it seems that I’ve already lost this bet. Because even though I believe the Mets will take tomorrow’s game, I think the runs will be scored off of Ted Lilly rather than Michael Wuertz or Kerry Wood or whatever deadweight is currently in that pen.

So Mike, you better hope that I actually make it down to San Marcos when Emily moves there. Otherwise, you’ll have to make good on your two-years’ standing vow to come back to New York. And pick a place. Oh also: go eat a dick.

welp.

The Mets lost tonight’s ballgame against the Phillies, unable to get the sweep (oh how sweet it would have been), but considering I was merely hoping for a possible series win, that possibility becoming fact would have made a win tonight mere icing (but oh how sweet icing is).

In spite of the loss, I feel pretty confident with this team. Here is the difference between 2007 and 2008: Off a less-than-stellar Mike Pelfrey performance (neither as good as this season nor as bad as last) that saw the Phillies jump to a 4-0 lead thanks to ridiculously good Chase Utley’s two home runs, I found myself muttering “All right, time to shave it down, boys.” Whereas last season I would be moaning with the back of my hand resting on my forehead like Morrissey. Little did I know that the very inning after Utley’s 3-run shot, the Mets would tie the game. Whereas last season the bullpen would give up another couple of runs and the Mets would make some late inning rallies only to lose somewhere within the margin of runs that the bullpen would have given up.

Another (less fun) difference between 2007 and 2008: tonight’s very deserving loser, Pedro Feliciano. I realize PedroDos has been having family issues in Puerto Rico, but as he trotted in to pitch the seventh (after a solid sixth by Jorge Sosa, further establishing his Jekyll-and-Hydeness) I thought, “Oh, I hope this isn’t terrible.” Whereas last year I would have been all “YEAH TAKE THAT YOU MUTHAFUCKAS!!!” or something similarly confident. He has just not been the same this year, and was especially bad in this series. Immediately he gives up a pinch-hit homer (wtf was up with the Phillies’ pinch-hit homers this series? Or all their eighty homers in general? Oh CBP, where possibly even I could hit a home run) to Pedro Feliz of all people. Utley then singles (at least it wasn’t another goddam homer), Ryan Howard strikes out (Delgado Jr. this one is becoming), Pat Burrell walks, and Geoff Jenkins flies out. With runners on first and second and two out, Joe Smith backwards K’s righty Chris Coste and then works a perfect 8th. It’s getting so I only trust Duaner, Smith, and Wags in our bullpen now.

It’s too bad that Brian Schneider was out with an injury tonight, especially considering how much credit Pelfrey gave him after his last win. It’s too bad Willie decided to put Luis Castillo back in the two spot after Ryan Church had been doing so well there, especially considering Castillo’s complete inability to move up the two runners on base in the top of the ninth with no outs. It’s too bad Eric “Error” Bruntlett decided to not boot Carlos Beltran’s hard-hit, probable 2-run single and instead make a great play for the final out, especially considering all the terrible runs he’s gifted to us already this season. It’s too bad we couldn’t sweep, especially now that we’re back to second place behind the Marlins (ugh, really?), but 2 out of 3 against the Phillies? That’s two series in a row. I’ll take that from here on out.

so

Good game by the Mets tonight, great offensive performance by David Wright, excellent start by Johan Santana, the offense tacked on some runs, we beat that punk bitch Cole Hamels, yada yada.

But seriously can Aaron Heilman stop pitching in close situations? To the Phillies? Good God, this shit is not funny anymore.

In the eighth, Santana gave up two consecutive singles and Heilman is brought up. Without even thinking I’m like “Oh NO.” And in no time at all, Heilman gives up a three-run homer. I wasn’t even surprised or even that mad. That shit was mad predictable. Just like, yeah. That’s what Heilman does. I mean, look at the guy:

If that is not a picture of a guy who can’t handle a taut game against your biggest rival, I don’t know what is.

But hey, we got the win, so I can’t complain too much.

keep it going, boys

I missed the first few innings of last night’s game as I went to the Chelsea home of a writer (who I count as one of my biggest inspirations) to drop off a manuscript, and subsequently was treated to a nice bottle of wine and plate of cheese and some catching up with said writer and his partner. During which time I was called the Helen of Troy of gay lit, which was pretty awesome if wildly inaccurate. Said writer then informed me that the editor of a magazine asked him if he would interview an athlete, only he didn’t know any athletes. I immediately suggested David Wright, and were it to happen I may be able to tag along. Cross your fingers!

After I left I decided to stop in a bar to watch the game, only I was in CHELSEA so that meant the only option was the only gay as in homosexual–let’s face it, every sports bar is just a little bit gay–sports bar in New York, which is pretty much like every gay bar in New York except here 70% of the clientele pretends to give a shit about sports. And it’s also pretty much like every sports bar in New York except here the meatheads lisp.

I got there just in time to watch John Maine give up a solo shot to Austin Kearns, but thankfully was able to cheer silently (as opposed to the cluster of fags and one hag who loudly cheered on the Yankees) as Jose Reyes hit a solo shot to tie the game at 2-2, Ryan Church singled, Wright singled (on a ball that popped out of a diving Lastings Milledge’s glove), and then Carlos Beltran’s3-run homer that effectively ended the game.

Maine hasn’t exactly been the dominant force that many of us fans were predicting, but with each subsequent start he’s looking better and more in-command. In the seventh he got the first two batters, but then gave up two successive walks. I have to say that his reaction–he screamed “FUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!” on the mound and in the dugout continued to do same, all while pouting–was surprising for such a mild-mannered, emotionally reserved guy. Hot too. And good to see. I like that he threw a very good game and is still upset about his performance. I like that he knows that he can do better.

Enter Joe Smith to strike out Ryan Zimmerman looking to end the inning, receiving fist-bumps from Maine and Peterson and Willie. I was a bit squirmy though, thinking that Aaron Heilman would be coming in for his usual eighth inning neurosis fest, and was surprised to see Smith back on the mound, striking out Johnson, hitting Milledge (on a pitch where it seemed Milledge had no idea where the ball was going to end up) and then getting Kearns to hit into a double play to end the eighth. I think having Smith instead of Heilman pitch the eighth might suggest a lot about the team’s level of confidence with Smith, and maybe says something about what they feel about Heilman right now. Maybe I’m just projecting. There was a funny moment in the dugout when Pelfrey, sitting next to Smith, did a little impersonation of what Zimmerman looked like when he struck out. Smith’s pitches are looking goddamned awesome, and with him, Pedro Feliciano, the return of Duaner Sanchez, and a dominant-looking Wagner (who earned the save), I’m feeling more and more comfortable with the bullpen in tight games.

Yes yes, it’s just the Nats. But keep it going tonight, heading into Philly, and then Chicago. It’d be nice to get a good little run going. It’d be nice to give those booing idiots a reason to shut the hell up and/or go back to “cheering” the Yankees.